


ephemera

by freloux



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-05 06:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5365586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freloux/pseuds/freloux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>rejecting moffat's reality and submitting my own</p>
            </blockquote>





	ephemera

**Author's Note:**

> It will be the past  
> and we'll live there together.
> 
> Not as it was to live  
> but as it is remembered.
> 
> It will be the past.  
> We'll all go back together.
> 
> Everyone we ever loved,  
> and lost, and must remember.
> 
> It will be the past.  
> And it will last forever.  
> -"Heaven" by Patrick Phillips

He's just at the edge, reaching for it. It's like he's misplaced something important, now if only he could remember what it was. He's strumming those same old chords. He plays and plays until he loses himself in the music. It touches some deep, essential part of his soul that he can't yet explain. The music hits a tiny part of his hearts, the part that's connected to his brain. And slowly, oh so slowly, he begins to remember. He has to go find her. Her who?

There are bits and pieces of her - this someone - still left in the TARDIS. They must be from her, because he doesn't have a good explanation for why he'd have bobby pins in the medibay. They're in amongst bandages and medicine he doesn't recognize. Something called Hydrogen Peroxide. Sounds dangerous. He goes back to his guitar because that seems to help. He puts a song together. Apropos of nothing, he calls it "Clara."

It's a bit of a sad song, but he's feeling sad. So what if it's self-indulgent. He feels empty and doesn't know why. The TARDIS clicks at him, soothing, and he lets that be music to him, too. He doesn't really sleep, so he spends nights playing guitar, sprawled out in the console room. Each note becomes a layer, a thread, something that will lead him back to her.

Adventures! They had adventures, didn't they? He's in the middle of a high, mournful note when he breaks it off because he's recalled something new. There was a lot of running. With this girl, right? She's all blurry edges in his memories. He can't remember what her voice sounded like, but he knows that there were a lot of planets involved. Something about a train. They were excited and happy together back then, it seems.

He shakes his head. These tiny humans, they live and die so quickly. Wait - tiny. She was small, he thinks. But the specifics are lost on him again. So he goes back to the music, playing "Clara," fine-tuning the song even though it's an audience of one. Well, technically two - the TARDIS seems to like this song.

"Clara" becomes a constant as he goes adventuring by himself. It's not quite the same, but he doesn't think he's ready for a companion yet. Whoever this girl was, she left quite an impression.

Impression. Yes. Something about shattering herself. All these different "Claras" that are out there. It seems like a good theme for his song, so he adds a few lower notes, builds it into a crescendo. The higher he goes up the guitar, it sounds like he's hearing her voice again. Calling to him across time and space: _Doctor._

He plays those higher notes again and it comes back. Her voice, even if he can't recall what she looked like. He thinks she called him heartless once. He thinks that they argued a lot. The way he remembers her voice, it sounds like it would've been good for arguing. It sounds kind to him, in his fuzzy memories, but also like it could be firm. Like a teacher's.

He decides to go back to one of the planets they visited together. She's a blank spot, but maybe it will help his memory. Something about her seems to be important. And there, in a military base that was flooded and haunted, he remembers at last. Clara. Her kindness, her fierceness, the way her body felt. It's visceral how it hits him. He clutches his guitar for dear life and lets all the memories wash over him. His girl. He can find her again. He stumbles back to the TARDIS and finishes his song. The last notes falling into place as if they were waiting for him all along. He hits the telepathic circuits and knows that he sounds a little bit desperate when he thinks, as hard as he can, _take me to Clara._

She seems a little surprised to see him when he comes running up to her, in a jungle that's a bit full of hissing antler-creatures. But the recognition is there right away. He picks her up and spins her around. Her song echoes in his head.

Because that's the thing about memories: they always come back to you.


End file.
